Quatre Goes Qrazy
by ShaPip
Summary: Well, this is the latest to our "Goes" series. Be afraid, and duly so. Another guest fic, written with the help, aka taken over by, Cha. But, as the title says, Quatre looses his fragile little mind in a hilarious twist.


Disclaimer: *glare* Sue me and you will be cursed.Cursed, I tell you, cursed!! *shake fist* (Pippa says: *shake fist*)  
  
Quatre Goes Qrazy  
  
It was a bright and sunny day in the Carribean area, as the great ocean cruise liner slowly made it's way far into the ocean. Quatre was leaning over the railing, staring lovingly at the turquoise waters below. Duo ran by behind him, Heero's spandex speedo on his head, braid peeking out at an odd angle. Chuckling a little, Trowa came and stood next to the adorable blonde boy, offering him a strangely orange colored drink.  
  
"You look as if you might need this." Trowa smiled, trying not to look as a towel-wearing Heero darted by behind them, his pistol in one hand, pointed at Duo, the other struggling to keep up his coverings.  
  
Quatre took the drink thankfully nodding at Trowa.  
  
"For a cruise, I hardly seem to be able to relax. It reminds me so much of space. Perhaps too much." Quatre sighed and took a sip of the mysterious substance. "Yum, this is good. What's in it?"  
  
"Personally, I have no clue." Trowa confessed. "Some guy in the hall gave it to me, saying it would make everything come together." Trowa shrugged. "Whatever."  
  
He walked away from the blonde boy, leaving him to his mildly alcoholic drink. Quatre sighed once more, sipping at the citrus tasting liquid. It didn't taste like it was poisoned, not that anyone would want to poison the lovable boy. Quatre was sure of it.  
  
"Hmm, whatever is in here is making my head tingle." Quatre finished the tingly orange drink, rubbing his head slightly. He blinked a few times, watching the horizon as it swayed and bobbed. What is the sea or his imagination? ... ... He was pretty sure it was the sea. "Whoah, I don't feel so good..." Quatre held his little blonde head and displayed a look that was rather... sickly.  
  
Then it hit him. Quatre closed his eyes as his head was overwhelmed by a painfully painful pain. "Gah!" He bent over onto his knees, "W-whats happening to me??"  
  
"Get back here Duo!" Heero yelled at the braided boy as the two flew by.   
  
Quatre's eyes shot open, pupils dialated, the sound of something snapping in his head ringing in his ears. Clutching his stomach, Quatre stumbled towards the Captain's quarter's, some unknown mission flashing in his mind. Duo skidded to a halt, moving the spandex leg holes more comfortably over his eyes. Seeing Quatre, he raised an eyebrow, also allowing Heero to smack into him full force, coincedentally making no dent.  
  
"I think something's wrong with Quatre...He's laughing funnny." Duo stated as Heero peeled himself out of Duo's back mumbling about his new lack of towel.  
  
Quatre gave a high, squeaky giggle and kicked the door in front of him open, also in the process of ripping his shirt open. "Welcome your new master! Bow down before...Quat-Man!"  
  
"What?" The captain said, looking towards Quatre. Yet, before he knew it, Quatre's eyes flashed an orange glow and he tied up the captain. Glancing around the cabin, he laughed once more.  
  
"It's all mine!!!!"  
  
Trowa looked up from reading his favourite book. He sensed a change in direction of the boat. And the speed increased by several notches. Heero walked in, standing beside him, fully clothed now.  
  
"I sense something awry." He stated. Trowa looked up at him, then out the window thoughtfully.  
  
"Yes, it must be Quatre."  
  
Quatre laughed a crazy, long, echoing laugh that resounded through each timber of the precious cruise boat. He stood at the helm of the boat, at the steering wheel itself, clad only in ratty pants (don't ask how they got that way) that were rolled up to his lower knees. His shirt had already been discarded, and he had a bandana strapped around his head. His eyes glowed a fresh orange as he watched the sea.  
  
"Yo ho, yo ho, a pirates life for me!" He sang a lovely tune. The other crew members stared in disbelief from their bonds at the new captain. He may have been insane, but somehow he knew how to steer a boat. "Towards Port Royal, my good fellows, and we shall capture it! After, it's on to Africa, and the rest of the world!" He laughed insanely.  
  
"Shouldn't someone do something about him?" Heero inquired, examining the blindingly pale boy, trying not to look directly at his bright glow.   
  
"Hmm? Like what?" Trowa replied.  
  
"Huh? Why are you asking me?" Heero furrowed his brow at the taller boy. "It's like I'm Mr. Know-it-All or something..."  
  
"...I thought you were..."  
  
Duo took this chance to steal center stage, as he was oft apt to do.   
  
"I know! We will have to become pirates as well, then and only then can we defeat Quatre at his own game!" The braided man exclaimed excitedly waving his hand in the air to flourish his thoughts. All he received was blank stares as Heero and Trowa sighed in unison.  
  
"Duo..." Heero said slowly, snatching his speedos off the idiot's head, stowing them away. "Firstly, shut the hell up. Secondly, why don't you go see what the ingredients to that drink were."  
  
Trowa made a small noise of discontent. "I was the one who gave it to him. But I got it from some random guy in the hallway."  
  
Heero rubbed his temples, wondering just why he always agreed to accompany these imbeciles on such ventures. If only he thought more like Wufei.   
  
"Well, what did the guy look like, Uni-bang?"  
  
"He had slick hair..." Trowa said, squinching his eyes as if to remember better, illustrating the sliminess of the man's hair with his hands around his head. "And I think black eyes, maybe brown. Kinda Asian looking. Big white pants. Yep, that's him alright."  
  
Duo scratched his chin. "That sounds familiar.." Heero sighed as he realized who Trowa was describing. The sheer...what was it...shall we say idiosyncrasy that his companions contained made him want to break down and cry. And that was a definite strong feeling. "I just can't place my finger on it."   
  
Heero gritted his teeth as he watched the boys try to figure it out. He felt like grabbing his gun, shooting them both out of their poor misery, then ending his own life. It seemed like the right solution to everything. Heero reached for his gun.  
  
"I know!" Duo exclaimed. Heero brightened up. "It's Howard!"  
  
"Dammit, Duo!!" Heero cried. Duo stared, wide eyed. "It's Wufei, you idiot!"  
  
Trowa laughed his eery laugh. Duo shrugged.   
  
"I knew that." Duo started to examine his nails.  
  
"Well go get him!" Heero yelled once more. Duo jumped to attention.  
  
"Oh, yeah, huh!" He laughed and left to search for the Chinese man.  
  
Quatre pointed out the window. "There's another boat! Enemy, I say! Load the cannons, you scallywags! I command you to load the cannons!"  
  
Trowa looked at Quatre in his innocent lack of intelligence, giving a high salute. "Aye aye, Cap'n!" he cried before dashing off to find, and load, the cannons. Heero's finger felt itchy on the trigger, his mind was begging him to end the torture of being surrounded by less than adequate life forms. Somehow he wondered if maybe the tests he'd conducted on them in the past hadn't fried their delicate brain circuts. Either way, he was most likely going to end up killing them.  
  
Then something happened that noone would have EVER expected-- EVER; Over the horizon-- yes, right there... NO! To the right, you idiots! Yes, there... Was another ship-- YES! ANOTHER ship!   
  
"It IS the enemies!"   
  
On the side of the huge blue craft was printed the word, in big red letters, "Enemy".   
  
"Hurry it up, Trowa! Get those cannons a'firin'!" Quatre yelled... mainly to himself, cause he didn't really know where Trowa was... or where the cannons were... or where the ammo was... "The sooner they be dead, the better!"   
  
"Captain!" Trowa yelled, coming back to Quatre. "I can't find the cannons!"  
  
Quatre sighed a desperate sigh. "We'll have to think of something, then."  
  
Meanwhile, Duo was searching for Wufei, an ice cream cone in hand. He searched high, by golly he searched low. He search to the left, and then some to the right. It just happened that Wufei was where he never expected to look-- In front of him.  
  
"Oh, I see him." Duo laughed again, licking his ice cream and prancing over. "Oh, Wufei!!"  
  
Wufei didn't even look up at him. He just continued to stare forward, sitting in a most comfy chair. Duo waved a bit, calling his name. He ignored him.  
  
"Fine, I hope you die when the ship crashes into another ship causing us all to die." Duo crossed his arms. Wufei shrugged.  
  
"That baka accepted candy from a stranger, now he must suffer the consequences."  
  
"But Quatre drank it..." Duo explained. Wufei's eyes went wide.  
  
"Oh no..." Wufei gasped. "This drink is no ordinary drink, Maxwell! This one is a drinkable subtance made purely of the Zero System!"  
  
Duo shrugged. "Not my problem."  
  
Wufei stood up, grabbing his shoulders. "Oh, but it is! You see, he'll kill us all if we don't save him now!"  
  
Duo shrugged once more. "Meh, whatever."  
  
Up at the helm, Quatre busily tried to think of a new plan. Yet, nothing came to mind. He thoughtalong with Trowa, who was merely thinking about how to save the lives of thousands. Merely.  
  
Quatre looked out the window and saw the boat near and near. He took a deep breath.  
  
"I think we'll just have to die, then." He shrugged.   
  
"Nooo!!" Trowa screamed as Quatre turned up the speed and braced himself to, well basically, die.   
  
He watched as the "Enemy" boat neared, getting closer, closer, closer still! What would the others think? What would the others do?! Only Nataku and the script writers knew at this point, and would know for eternity. (*script guys* Damn skippy). Quatre could see many an enemy running along the decks in their enemy ways. Don't fire until you see the whites in their eyes, he repeated in his fragile mind. The system was getting to him. Everyone was an enemy!  
  
Quatre began to laugh insanely, holding his head. The pain, it was too great. He didn't think he could handle it, goodness me, he knew he couldn't! Yet just as the pain grew more intense the most outrageous thing happened. They crashed!!  
  
And Quatre woke up, looking around his room. He sighed, rubbing the sweat from his forehead.  
  
"Phew, it was just a dream." He looked around, noticing he wasn't in his bed but in a morgue. Quatre blinked and screamed. "Nooooooo!!!"  
  
Author's Note: After Midnight, we are no longer responsible for our actions. Gomen nasi. 


End file.
